Waffle House (A Fake Conversation With My Boys)

Wyatt: I want a waffle.
Me: Ask nicely.
Boone: Manners, dude.
Wyatt: Man, really?
Me: Yes.
Wyatt: Can I have a waffle, please?
Boone: I second that emotion.
Me: Boone, nicely.
Boone: Please.
Me: Okay. Coming right up.
Wyatt: I want Mama to get it.
Me: She’s in the shower. I’ll get it for you.
Wyatt: But, I want Mama to get it.
Boone: Yeah. Me, too.
Me: Do you want a waffle or not?
Wyatt: Yes.
Me: Then, I have to get it.
Wyatt: No. No! NO!
Me: Get off the floor, Wyatt.
Wyatt: YOU get off the floor!
Me: That doesn’t even make sense.
Boone: This just won’t do. We need Mama to make the waffles.
Me: Why?
Boone: If you have to ask, you’ll never understand.
Me: What are you? Yoda?
Me: I’m making waffles. You can eat them or not. I don’t care… Where’s Wyatt?
Boone: In the bedroom, flailing on the floor.
Me: Jesus Christ.
Boone: And you thought getting us to say please was the important part. Amateur.


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