FINDING PARKING
March 3rd, 2011 § Leave a Comment
My four-year-old is a little car crazy. Okay, A LOT car crazy. I am constantly finding Hot Wheels in his “special secret spots”, for example, my shoes, the laundry hamper, etc. I love this creative storage/display idea via Ohdeedoh.
CONVERSATIONS WITH SOMEONE, NOT my SELF
February 16th, 2011 § Leave a Comment
I am famous for always carrying a stack of these conversation cards in my bag. So I was super excited about the new TABLE TOPICS app.
Now I can make room in my bag (aka ‘the garbage sack’) for other important things like Hot Wheels and a year’s supply of Sharpies.
Another plus is that you are able to write your own question cards! Can you imagine the fun to be had? Convo cards make it possible for you to pose seemingly inappropriate or rude questions of your companions without seeming the slightest bit inappropriate or rude! Oh joy! My mind is nearly bubbling over with the possibilities!
To a close girlfriend while dining with her and her boorish date:
How many sexual partners have you had in your lifetime? And who was the most unforgettable/most forgettable?
To your mother-in-law:
Is passive aggressive behavior genetically passed on from one generation to the next? Discuss.
Have any good ones? Please share.
WHITE OUT
February 2nd, 2011 § Leave a Comment
There is something so pretty about an all white room. Lately I’ve been experiencing a sort of decor ADD. I see images of color and I think. “Oooh! Color! I must have it!”, then two seconds later I’ll see all white and my mind will snap in the other direction as jerkily as a student driver banging a left.
Scary stuff as I face the need to give our bedroom a face lift. My husband is amazingly patient with my decorative whims. Pink? Bring it. Floral prints? No problem. There are only three things that make this man crazy. Throw pillows, a dysfunctional reading lamp on his side of the bed and lastly (dum, dum, dum) my clothes. Not my clothes per se, but the fact that they litter every available surface of our bedroom. I can’t help it. I haven’t met a closet that could satisfy my needs ever. And my needs are not crazy people. I simply want somewhere to hang my (admittedly ample) clothing collection without squashing them or dragging them on the floor below. I want some shelves that will hold my jeans and sweaters without having the entire collection topple into my face when I pull something out. I want enough room for my shoes. And finally I’d like a full length mirror that doesn’t make me look better or worse than I really do. (A skinny mirror only makes you look skinny when you look into it. It doesn’t follow you out onto the street in those ill advised leggings with your ass waggling all over the place).
So here we go, project bedroom/closet. I face it with dread and anxiety. Will I again be disappointed by empty promises from Elfa and Ikea? Using the image above as inspiration I’m heading in a whole new direction and hoping the outcome results in a happy home. I’ll keep you updated on the progress. Any good ideas for bedside table lamps? The throw pillows are staying though.
OH REALLY NOW PHIL…
February 2nd, 2011 § Leave a Comment
I’m not one to go around kicking small furry creatures. But seriously Phil, you’re one step away from having one of my galoshes lodged square in the pants (if you wore pants that is).
Maybe it’s time to retire? Move to warmer climes? Lay off the booze and late nights Phil. Your credibility is hanging by a thread buddy.
THINGS LEARNED ON THANKSGIVING
November 29th, 2010 § Leave a Comment
It’s true. I’ve come into this game a little late, so I have a LOT of catching up to do. Four score and thirty-some odd days is a long time to have avoided all manner of holiday cooking. But this year I opened house and home and invited those closest (and least judgmental) to join in our feast. A feast prepared by moi! Such brave souls. Let us give thanks that all left with full bellies and not a lick of food poisoning.
So here is what I learned.
1. Next time you’re at the grocery store browsing the produce section and you think to yourself, “Huh, why are these already cleaned and prepped green beans so damn expensive?!”…
Let me assure you. They are worth every damn penny.
2. Child labor is free. Be sure to utilize it, then blame cute child if things don’t turn out right.
3. They make these already prepared. They’re called Planter’s mixed nuts. Crazy. I know.
4. It’s imperative that the hostess maintains her charm and sense of humor at all times.
Fa la la, lah dee dah.
SHUT. THE. FRONT. DOOR.
November 25th, 2010 § Leave a Comment
Say what you will about Rachel Zoe.
The. Sign. Is. BANANAS!
Love.
NOTHING SAYS I LOVE YOU LIKE…
February 4th, 2010 § 1 Comment
via digby and iona
…a glazed skunk skull with some seriously blingin’ dental work!
But seriously folks, I have one valentine that would truly appreciate this lil’ guy (or gal?)
I could tell you the story of one particularly strong hearted woman who after losing the love of her life, was forced to take many matters into her own hands. Matters such as the fetching of one’s own Sunday Times, which, when you live in Northern Vermont, is no small task. And there is, of course, so much more. An achingly long list of things that aren’t in the slightest bit funny, so I won’t attempt to make them so. But, the whole point of this post was the damn skunk head. Not loss and pain and ookey stuff like that.
So, this strong hearted woman, after feeling like her poor heart, strong or not, had taken just a bit too much of a licking, discovered one early spring day that a skunk had taken up residence under her front porch. She went inside to ponder this matter over some black coffee and her crossword puzzle. This creature was torturing her pets and also her small nephew mind you. More importantly, it’s very presence was torturing her, and furthermore, really, really pissing her off. She thought of how the situation may have been remedied in the past. She drained the last of her coffee right down to the grit in the bottom of the cup. Stomped into the living room where an old hunting rifle was hidden up in the rafters. She took the rifle down, loaded it, stomped back out to the front porch and…
…well, she blew that f@*ker away.
Not the most PC of story endings. But you know. This woman was protecting her home and her family and her tired, bruised heart that had decided she could not take one more stab of lonliness. At least not that particular day.
So, happy valentine’s day mama.
Good aim.
